I feel as if I have so much love to give, I’ve finally opened up my bare chest, arms wide open-
Only to be blackened out by the ones who I wanted to give the most- thinking that maybe I was never wanted here, only to be made, brought up in my youth and casted out another disciple under a spiteful society.
My heart lurches out to whatever seems secondary to comfort now my necessity. My heart is black, caving itself in. My heart is patient to something so hard to grasp, time laughing in my doubting mind. Blue jays giving me a fateful hope, smoking seeds from the ground they grew. Tears being my silent token from my soul. Loud screams piercing my mind at night, soft knocks at my windows being my evil collapse, a relapse that’ll have me cold at the veins. Purple lights- I smile- as I hold a purring animal tight. Beady eyes looking at broken lies soothed deeply underneath heavens bringings.
Lay me down to sleep, closing my eyes, I whisper to a holder with shiny metal, kill it…
Piercing my bosom, I fall into a sleep, darkened arms greeting my goodbye to life.
Cut short at the seams
Thought I could mend broken strings- dangling in front of me, my voice drifting it away so it seems…
Bond I must with Bose and a pack, music flushing out the chaotic screams ringing in my ears- a shattered fact- I must’ve thought I’d avoid, only slithering back to bed.
I know that
It won’t matter much longer, so I know the end
The wind taking me closer to a destination anywhere but broken strings-
“Broken bonds” a blue bird sings “away the cloudy, thee holds a lighten torch in a soulful misunderstood body”
I picked up a shard of glass and couldn’t help running my fingertips over it’s sharp edges
Sometimes wanting to carve my skin underneath it’s rigid flaws, take bliss in the crimson pain that excites my dying wishes… Sometimes wanting to cut my own lifeline of the powerful urging sensations my darkness brings me.
I fear not of the day I die- but the moment where I’ll have no reason to keep breathing, a truth that’ll cease my living thoughts and plunge me in a dead darkness with translucent arms beckoning me in.